Love Is A Paradox...

I've known M for years. This is the guy who has the sweetest of heart to manjakan his loved one. He started his love life late though as he told me he wanted to concentrate on his study and to get good grades being a filial son as he is. The problem of being a nice guy is...You'll end up hurting yourself badly, your heart and feeling. I ended up listening to him telling me of his ex-es.


X1, is chinese, part-time model, part-time saleswoman, full-time mahjoong player. "full-time Mahjoong player??", I asked. "Yup. Daily and every weekend without fail", he replied. "And me banker at times, the one who provides her the money to gamble", he continued". "Oh ya, at least she taught me conversational Cantonese", he added with a grin on his face. You are fair and looked like Chinese, so it's good for you! the voices in my head screamed to him hahahhah. There are times that he simply drives to her house in wee hours cause she isn't feeling well...A good 40km for a one way trip. And he lost his virginity to this lady. I was laughing my lungs out when he told me that. It's destined to fail...Because of the gambling habit actually hehehhe.

X2, a corporate lady of mixed-parentage background. I said "cool. she must be not short of suitors". Everything seems perfect. It's all fireworks. She loves Ocean Deep, He dances to Suddenly. She longs for bakeries, He eats buns almost everyday. Went to KLCC just wanna have a glimpse of her. But...It's destined to fail too. "There were too many secrets. I couldn't call at this time, that time. I couldnt visit her home when she falls ill", he said regretfully then continue, "It lasted for a while, for love, lust...". He didn't tell me what are the secrets though I could have guessed that she's married! No brainer. Recipe for a disaster - like another very good friend, S, told me.

X3, a system engineer. NO NO NO...not the kinda dork you see inside a cubicle with glasses that a sight to be hold. This one he said, a trendy one. And yeah talking about trendy, "she indulges in shopping therapy every time she feels down". No offence but, which woman doesn't? One thing though, he didn't "touch" this one. His reason - he didn't feel like he loves her deep enough.

One thing he admitted, along the way, when he's single, he wasn't the best man around, let alone being a good Muslim. He's a walking chimney (chain smoker), he drank like a fish, and he changed sleeping partner week-in week-out (He duly explained he was bragging more than anything else to explain the frequency of his non committal nature). "I was single for godsake", he screamed. I said, "Thank God you changed". "Yeah, thank God. I was too far astray from the right path". Philosophically he questioned me, "Should you wear your heart on your sleeve and give you all or should you be cold and be protective of your heart?". I was dumbfounded. I had no answer for that. It left my heart tickled hard.

Finally, after all the mind-bashing of "horrific" tales on love, I asked him, "Are you seeing anybody now?". He gleefully answered with a shrug, "I don't know. Probably. Love is complicated."

It made me thinking. You can give you all in a relationship but that's when you're most vulnerable. Life is traveled but once, which makes it all the more necessary that we have little regret over the path/s we take in this journey of life. And it was then that I realized this, that some of us, albeit our heartaches and vulnerabilities, are just the way we are, the incorrigible emotional fools, because that's the life some of us get on best with.